In association with Exxon, Monsanto and the fine folks at DuPont Plastic Explosives, Dick Haliburton proudly presents:
TOGA PARTY AT 1600 PENNSYLVANIA
By Citizen Ken, The Sultan of Namyangju
Starring George W. Bush as “Gaius Caesar Georgeigulus”
With Tony “I was just following orders” Blair as “Antonius Lepidus”
Michael V. Hayden as “Director of the CIA” / “bagman”
Reba McEntire as Mrs. Bush
Robert Duvall as the Rev. Jerry Falwell
It was getting wintry on Pennsylvania Avenue. Republican lobbyists hung upon the trees, changing color. Mrs. Bush had been in the kitchen for days, beating the servants as they boiled down the Thanksgiving carcasses. Dozens (or several) pundits, panderers and publicans had gathered in the midst of the Romanesque grottoes flanking the Rose Garden for a gala toga party / fundraiser / Skull and Bones Club meeting. Michael V. Hayden, Executive White House Bagman, had been mobilized for special operations since the midterms. In the ovoid office The Commander in Chief, rendered fully delusional from indiscriminate bag abuse and acute chronic megalomania, had been possessed by the agitated spirit of Gaius Caesar Caligula. “More Wild Turkey” he gibbered incoherently as packs of half-crazed lobbyists goaded him on. Bush and Gaius had merged in an evil and wretched fusion of maniacal craft and halfwittedness to spew forth………..Georgeigulus, Cancerous Barnacle of Late Capitalism. Prone before the the besandled boil and bunion encrusted feet of the Emperor knelt the flayed and beaten dregs of Antonius Lepidus “Faux Monica” Blair (the lesser) pocket despot of Sax-Northumbrius, intermittently mumbling “I urge you resolutely to maintain your position”. At this moment Executive Bagman Hayden arrived with yet another Presidential hit. “Hey Mike, what place we gonna save for democracy next? Huh? How about some place with a beach and some bananas? I could really eat some bananas! How about Fiji, huh, huh?” Georgeigulus’ chimp-like features had been twisted sideways in a demented smile and spittle was running down his chin. “Well, I guess we could, Mr. President. After all, Commodore Bainimarama has seized power there.” “Huh, wadda you mean, Mike? Jeez, I used to listen to those guys all the time. They got their nerve seizin’ power before me.” “What are you talking about, Mr. President?” “ Didn’tya just say The Commodores and Bananarama seized power in Fiji? Get the fleet ready Mike – we’re goin’ in!” Georgeigulus went completely berserk at this point and began smashing the furniture. Hayden consulted briefly with Blair – “Jesus, Tony! He’s lost it completely this time. I’m going to have the bring in the Republican Guard to get him over to The Institute. Looks like the last leukotomy didn’t take properly. Time for 2 or 3 more, I guess. Keep him busy while I make the arrangements.” Hayden rushed out of the ovoid office to summon the Republican Guard but before he could return Rev. Jerry Falwell appeared at the window in a Screaming Eagle helicopter with the Christian Coalition SWAT team. “George, George – quick, JUMP, JUMP! Get your ass out here!!!.” “Huh – where we goin’ Jer? Where we goin?” “Off to Jerusalem, simian! YOU MUST ATONE FOR YOUR SINS AT THE WAILING WALL!!!” “But, but, why me, Jer? Why me?” “Because you’re on television, dummy…NOW JUMP!!!” No longer infused with the spirit of Gaius Caesar, the Commander in Chief had once again become a wretched half-human husk. Dim recognition of his predicament began to spread across his Neolithic features. With baboon – like grace he leapt off the balcony onto the helicopter just as the Republican Guard burst into the room. The helicopter disappeared into the stormy night, carrying the dessicated wreck of the leader of the free world towards his destiny.
Coming soon: Episode 3, in which a disoriented George Dubya takes a wrong turn at the Wailing Wall while searching for “White Jesus” and blunders into hostile territory in The Horn of Africa.
With Tony “I was just following orders” Blair as “Antonius Lepidus”
Michael V. Hayden as “Director of the CIA” / “bagman”
Reba McEntire as Mrs. Bush
Robert Duvall as the Rev. Jerry Falwell
It was getting wintry on Pennsylvania Avenue. Republican lobbyists hung upon the trees, changing color. Mrs. Bush had been in the kitchen for days, beating the servants as they boiled down the Thanksgiving carcasses. Dozens (or several) pundits, panderers and publicans had gathered in the midst of the Romanesque grottoes flanking the Rose Garden for a gala toga party / fundraiser / Skull and Bones Club meeting. Michael V. Hayden, Executive White House Bagman, had been mobilized for special operations since the midterms. In the ovoid office The Commander in Chief, rendered fully delusional from indiscriminate bag abuse and acute chronic megalomania, had been possessed by the agitated spirit of Gaius Caesar Caligula. “More Wild Turkey” he gibbered incoherently as packs of half-crazed lobbyists goaded him on. Bush and Gaius had merged in an evil and wretched fusion of maniacal craft and halfwittedness to spew forth………..Georgeigulus, Cancerous Barnacle of Late Capitalism. Prone before the the besandled boil and bunion encrusted feet of the Emperor knelt the flayed and beaten dregs of Antonius Lepidus “Faux Monica” Blair (the lesser) pocket despot of Sax-Northumbrius, intermittently mumbling “I urge you resolutely to maintain your position”. At this moment Executive Bagman Hayden arrived with yet another Presidential hit. “Hey Mike, what place we gonna save for democracy next? Huh? How about some place with a beach and some bananas? I could really eat some bananas! How about Fiji, huh, huh?” Georgeigulus’ chimp-like features had been twisted sideways in a demented smile and spittle was running down his chin. “Well, I guess we could, Mr. President. After all, Commodore Bainimarama has seized power there.” “Huh, wadda you mean, Mike? Jeez, I used to listen to those guys all the time. They got their nerve seizin’ power before me.” “What are you talking about, Mr. President?” “ Didn’tya just say The Commodores and Bananarama seized power in Fiji? Get the fleet ready Mike – we’re goin’ in!” Georgeigulus went completely berserk at this point and began smashing the furniture. Hayden consulted briefly with Blair – “Jesus, Tony! He’s lost it completely this time. I’m going to have the bring in the Republican Guard to get him over to The Institute. Looks like the last leukotomy didn’t take properly. Time for 2 or 3 more, I guess. Keep him busy while I make the arrangements.” Hayden rushed out of the ovoid office to summon the Republican Guard but before he could return Rev. Jerry Falwell appeared at the window in a Screaming Eagle helicopter with the Christian Coalition SWAT team. “George, George – quick, JUMP, JUMP! Get your ass out here!!!.” “Huh – where we goin’ Jer? Where we goin?” “Off to Jerusalem, simian! YOU MUST ATONE FOR YOUR SINS AT THE WAILING WALL!!!” “But, but, why me, Jer? Why me?” “Because you’re on television, dummy…NOW JUMP!!!” No longer infused with the spirit of Gaius Caesar, the Commander in Chief had once again become a wretched half-human husk. Dim recognition of his predicament began to spread across his Neolithic features. With baboon – like grace he leapt off the balcony onto the helicopter just as the Republican Guard burst into the room. The helicopter disappeared into the stormy night, carrying the dessicated wreck of the leader of the free world towards his destiny.
Coming soon: Episode 3, in which a disoriented George Dubya takes a wrong turn at the Wailing Wall while searching for “White Jesus” and blunders into hostile territory in The Horn of Africa.
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