More from Citizen Ken, Sultan of Gyeonggi

Fear and Loathing and the G.O.P.

(with thanks to Hunter S. Thompson)

It was a fortnight after Hallowe’en in the scary streets of D.C. Hallowe’en revelries had continued unabated, for it is always a masquerade party in jolly old D.C. Down on H Street many luminaries had gathered for après- Hallowe’en festivities at World Bank headquarters. Noticeably absent were the Commander-in-Chief and kindly old Dicky C.They surely would have attended if not for a last minute emergency rectoctomy in the White House press room to remove Uncle Dicky’s forearm from the President’s formerly gubernatorial seat. Karen Hughes was also present to assure the press corps that there was no need for concern due to the fact that the President was a devout Christian.

Meanwhile, back at H Street, recent G.O.P. misfortunes had cast an eerie pall over the revelries. The conversational din of the partygoers was frequently drowned out by the sound of Don Rumsfeld’s mandibles gnashing together. To purge his angst over recent events the Donald was busily scalping tickets for the upcoming Hussein execution, explaining patiently to Paul Wolfowitz and John Ashcroft that it was just not the same watching it on CNN. Wolfowitz and Ashcroft were not particularly inclined to listen to Rumsfeld’s tirades because, after all, the Don was now redundant and they were ravenous- all they had had to eat at the party were some orphaned-babies-of-foreign-wars appetizers. Luckily, at that very moment, Richard Perle entered with the entrée, a savoury Ragout de Bastille a la Baie de Guantanamo, resplendent in his Beelzebub costume and bearing pitchforks for the feast.

Condoleeza Rice had just arrived at the party with Karen Hughes, who had managed to pry herself loose from Bush and Cheney, who were now in intensive care at Johns Hopkins. Honourary Republican Madeleine Albright had tagged along with them. All three were dressed in form-fitting yellow spandex body stockings with blue capes. They had formed a new superhero committee known as “The Daughters of Foreign American Revolutions and Comprador Elitists” (also known as “The Georgettes”). The boys tried to convince them to stay and dine, but The Georgettes had to fly off into the dark night to save the global oil reserves for democracy. As they ascended to the heavens, Wolfowitz hastily cautioned them “to act on less than perfect information” while searching for weapons of mass destruction.

End of Part 1- coming soon: spreading the message of freedom, white Jesus and Christmas shopping to combat global terrorism.