In Association With Union Carbuncle and “Uncle Dickie”, Citizen Ken Presents

BUBBA BUSH TAKES THE SEOUL TRAIN

“The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later – in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.”

Charles Bukowski



When last seen, having been unceremoniously “ejected” from the Horn of Africa, Bubba Bush, leader of the “free world”, embarks upon an unscheduled tour of Iranian prisons. Mere days pass before Bubba is, in turn, asked to leave Iran after his presence sparks numerous riots among inmates protesting declining standards. Bush, disheveled, ranting and generally irritating, is placed in the care of the South Korean Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade, since South Korean officials must be seen to be bending over backwards to placate U.S. officials even when trading with the enemies of the American Dream. Specifically, however, Bubba was inflicted upon the SKMFAT because no one else leaving Tehran at that moment could be persuaded to travel with him. Upon his arrival in Seoul, Bush’s frequent impromptu appearances in public places and barely coherent abusive harangues, coupled with ongoing protests over the U.S./ Korea “free trade” deal, lead to intensified public uprisings led by union leaders and participated in by workers and students. Bubba seems to believe he has been abducted to North Korea and refers to everyone he encounters as a “commie dictator”. Sales of Bush masks (manufactured by Union Carbuncle Special Polyethylene Division) skyrocket among the student protesters. As we join the festivities, thousands of protesters have congregated outside the U.S. Embassy in downtown Seoul, hurling stones and epithets. A few have set themselves ablaze. Bubba Bush appears on a balcony above the crowd with the U.S. Ambassador to South Korea, who is trying to pull Bubba inside.

BUBBA: Hey Al, looky there! Them commies’re havin’ a bar-b-q! I didn’t know them commies knew how to bar-b-q! I could really go for a big messa them Texas longhorn ribs right now, yep!

Bush produces a bullhorn and begins shouting through it towards a burning protester.

BUBBA: Hey! Hey! Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, you commie bastards, watcha got cookin’ down there?

AMBASSADOR: Mr. President, please come inside!

BUBBA: Relax, Al. Hmmm…what’s yer last name again Al? Vershnovsky, right? Ain’t that Russian? You sure you’re not a commie, Al?

AMBASSADOR: Vershbow, Mr. President. Please come inside before there’s a riot!

The crowd begins to throw rocks, dirt, Bush masks and whatever else they can find at Bubba, who becomes apoplectic.

BUBBA: Get me a gun, Al, get me a gun!

The Ambassador manages to pull Bush inside just as “Uncle Dick” Cheney and Secretary of Commerce Carlos Gutierrez (the corn flake king) enter the room, leading South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun by a leash.

CHENEY: See, Carlos? What do you think? He’s well trained, obedient and quite intelligent. Should make a first class ally.

GUTIERREZ: Right, and he knows who’s buttering his bread.

BUBBA: Dick, how are ya, Dick?

CHENEY: Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better. Like my new monkey….I mean flunkey?

BUBBA: Dick, you gotta help me with these commies. Get me a gun…a rocket launcher!

GUTIERREZ: No, Mr.President…times have changed….all you need is cheap commodities….watch…..

Gutierrez hauls a large bag labeled “cheap commodities” onto the balcony and begins flinging handfuls of cheap Asian made electronics into the crowd. The student protesters begin fighting among themselves over the “loot”. The protest leaders try to dissuade them, to no avail. Roh slips his leash and rushes onto the balcony, unfurling a banner which reads “Long Live Our Demockery”.

CHENEY: Dammit all, Roh….democracy….I SAID DEMOCRACY!!!!! Now we’ll be the butt of even more jokes!

Many of the workers have not been placated by the cheap commodities and rush the Embassy gates, breaking through by sheer force of numbers.

CHENEY: Lordy! George, Carlos, Al – let’s get out of here while the getting’s good. Out the back door – I have a ‘copter waiting.

They exit quickly, leaving Roh and the Embassy staff to fend off the crowd.

FADE TO BLACK


Next: Doppelgate – Bubba returns to D.C. only to find an impostor filling his boots.