Ay me babbies! Afin ye gihit, bae share an lave a wee cooment!!!!

An English MP on a goodwill trip to Scotland visited a hospital in
Glasgow. He was shown into a men's ward that was full of older geezers.
He approached the first patient, and said "Hello, how are you?"
Whereupon the old feller in the bed said: "Wee sleekit cowrin' tim'rous
beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie; thou need na start awa sae
hasty. Wi' bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee, Wi
murd'ring pattle!"

Somewhat nonplussed, the MP smiled nervously and moved to the next bed,
but before he could speak, the occupant of the bed began:
"Ye flowery banks o' bonnie Doon, How can ye blume sae fair? How can ye
chant, ye little birds, And I sae fu' o' care!"
Moving quickly on, the MP came to the third bed, whose occupant began to
rant: "Aye wud te gad the grace te gi'us te se ourselves as ithers see us".

By now completely confused, the MP turned to the doctor who was showing
him around and said: "Is this the, uh, psychiatric ward?"
To which the doctor replied:
"No, it's the Serious Burns unit."