Praise be to the Great Spam Gods of Psyberspace!

How do the Great Spam Gods of psyberspace know what’s going on in my life? I have been pissed from the get-go today. I got up this morning two hours after my alarm went off. What a piss off. Normally it wouldn’t be such a big deal, except today was to be Reform Day; the first day of the rest of my life; the day that I would begin to implement "the plan" that would change everything in my life. I would get up at 5:30am, be at the gym by 6:00, be back home and showered and off on the metro in time to get to archives by 8:00 am. Such an auspicious beginning would, no doubt, buoy me and give me the spiritual wherewithal to carry me through my growing anxiousness at slogging through one archive box after another, yet finding nothing of use to me. Such a well-begun day would help buoy my withering, optimism each time I caught a startled glance at my Baby Huey form in the reflection of a store window.

In short, such a beginning would soon bring order to my life. “Orden y Progreso” was the motto of the Porfirian dictatorship, and soon I would be dictator over my own experience. Discipline, iron-willed discipline would soon transform everything. In no time I would be svelte, fit and brimming with self-confidence. Übermann Malcolm would will results into existence at the Archivo. One brilliant day after another would fly by in an ecstatic dream. Now, I have finished my brilliant dissertation and have received great accolades in the discipline (not just “better late than never,” but “wow, that was well worth the wait!”) Now I am self-actualizing; now a great tenure-track job; now some financial security; now I am the “all attractive.” Ahhhhhhhh.

Instead, I am up two hours late (ok, two and a half hours.) I drag my sorry ass from bed, scrape some hair from my face and eat a bad breakfast. All is bleak failure. Sigh. Curse you, dismal perverse fortune! But wait, as I open my inbox I see there’s an email. How do they know? How do the great Spam Gods of psyberspace know just what I need, just when I need it?

“Maybe what you really need is some great luck! Come and get it – it’s yours now!”

Somehow the Universalgeist at the Vegas Lounge Casino knew that my mood was low, and He came to give me exactly what I really needed. Now I can begin again. As Scarlet Ohara said, “tomorrow is another day!” Starting tomorrow, then, everything will change! Tomorrow will be Reform Day! Thank you Spam Gods! Thank you Vegas Lounge Casino!